I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
