I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
