ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
