youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you still have your period?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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