My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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