Just cropdusted the office
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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