I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
