When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
