weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
