Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
