My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
