9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
