he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
