you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
