I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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