You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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