There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
