I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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