I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
