this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
