Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
