yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize