My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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