I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
