Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
