I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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