she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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