I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
