I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
