what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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