We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
