Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
