Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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