I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
