Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
