Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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