So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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