theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
