so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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