Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
