He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
