its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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