Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
