Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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