Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
