Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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