So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
