Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
