My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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