my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
